Game Changer

We're playing the same game,
Day after day.
We race,
We fight,
We dance
We play.

For or against,
Are we on the same team?
Hold me to this,
For I am no wench.
You've caught the ball
And panic instills.
The world is quiet,
Awaiting your pitch.

When the ball is in your court,
When all eyes are on you;
Panic and nausea quickly ensue.
Glance around,
The world is calm,
Watching as your invisible chaos forms.
You live in your own mind for a moment,
Looking about for the next victim of the ball.
The haze that surrounds you goes undetected.
And then you realize,
You don't know what to do.
You don't have a clue.

Power is awarded
To those who understand;
Power is a ball,
Is there chaos in your hand?

Claws in the Carpet

A layer separates us now. 
Intertwined in what isn't lasting. 
Something filled with so much pain,
Sorrow enters through each vein.
Living in a neutral face,
Expressions lost on our last date. 
I let you go knowing i couldn't be the same.
You left knowing you'd never see me again.

And to these deeds i do not lend,
A sorry hand to hold my friend. 
You may leave at any time
But you hold me close as we both cry. 

And when i realized this was wrong,
I couldnt deny; 
Your will too strong. 
Scrapes, scratches and bruises are mine,
But only the ones you've left in my mind. 

Were you ever the right guy?
Or maybe this was just the wrong time. 

Epiphany

Cancellation, no.
Renewal, no.
Adjustment.
Evaluate your current state.

Your money, your job, your home;
Conflate.

You live here,
Your demesne.

All that is invisible,
All that you can feel;
Ethereal.

All that doesn't matter,
All that will vanish;
Evanescent.

And you've come to realize,
Nothing you've done will be permanent.
Your constant desire for fame;
Your undying greed for all that will live forever
In hopes that you will be eternal.
In hopes that they will always know your name.

Does what they think really matter?
High school and we hear it all the time,
It doesn't matter what they think.
All I am is mine.

You're in the business of lasting forever,
Will they remember you at the end?
While life is fugacious,
You long to be sempiternal.

While you look,
Serendipity.

Calm your searching,
Achieve your languor,
Find some leisure.
Relax.

No need for the opulent life you strive for.
No need to die with life's galore.

Speak much louder through the grave.
Six feet deep and you smell of rain;
Burried in the petrichor.
Above you is efflorescence.
Life's fleeting felicity.

I will be your harbinger.
Dealing all which cannot be dealt.
Do you mind?
For I will not be
The bearer of bad news.
Sweetly bringing all you dread,
Mellifluous words of the end.
I appreciate your forbearance.

No need to worry,
For your future is far.
Incipient.

Concern yourself with only the quintessential,
For your life is redolent.
You've only seen half of it,
You've got so much more to live.
Don't bother with the little things,
You're going somewhere big.

Today's drama is only a ripple.
You've met the offing.
You're beautiful,
Believe me.

The air is susurrous,
But whispers won't matter.
Take my talisman,
It will guide you home.

Outsiders don't matter,
Live life as your own.

Work and Play

Carrying a pointless burden.
I'm your life, 
Who are you? 

Neither of us want this,
But we depend on it.
Whats keeping us together?

Something beyond comprehending
In the worst way possible.
Whats so good about it?

We're stuck like glue,
But we've both got solvent.
Why are we still here?

The point of this is fun,
So why am I bleeding?
Maybe i used to enjoy pain.

Things have changed since then,
I'm tired of being your victim.
I'm tired.

A break might be nice,
But we're "inseperable."
Says who?

I just realized i can't take this.
I know i hate this.
And you do too.

My heart sings for another,
But you sing for me.
Return to a quiet hum.

You keep telling me why this shouldn't work.
You keep telling me why you don't want this to work.
I don't want this to work. 

I never wanted this to be work. 

A Lifetime

By tomorrow i won't be able to speak.
Life is fleeting from my lungs,
I fear i won't have time to say goodbye. 
Farewell to the only friend i've ever known,
So long to the world which now dominates me. 
I leak a solemn goodbye 
As my eyes go wet
And my throat runs dry. 

This is the time when i regret every moment wasted,
Every second i spent,
Every tear i wept upon you. 

It is now that i realize 
A true friend wouldn't allow it, 
You won't let me go, 
And i don't mind.
You remind me what its like to feel safety. 
Secure in your mind as well as your voice. 
Remain in this foreign place i call home.
Remain in your arms, where i don't belong.
Remain in your thoughts, in your history and tomorrow,
Remain by your side forever. 

As my last words escape me 
I wonder,
Was that enough?
How will i ever explain to him 
How my heart beats solely for him,
If i've only got a few hours to cherish.
You are my forever, 
And now it has taken a lifetime to prove
What i've said in three seconds,
I love you. 

Loudly Dreaming

I cant remember a time of more happiness
Than this moment we're experiencing now. 
We sway together, 
Side by side. 
Disco balls provide moonlight. 
And we dance.
We dance;
It's a simple as that. 
A silent bass runs through us,
Vibrating our bodies to the same invisible beat. 
For something so magical, 
This is far from make believe. 
There is no concept of time,
In this world of you and me. 
Only helping hands and hearts
As you will me off to sleep. 
Good night,
And I hope your dreams are sweet. 

To Say Goodbye

To think, one day we were friends.
What happened to our so called "happy end"?
Why did you leave without a clue?
What happened to always, me and you?

I realize you don't care,
But you want me to.
Why must you continue walking,
Dragging me behind you by the neck.

Maybe if I wanted to go,
Civil disobedience wouldn't be so prevalent.
But drag me behind you as you must,
I'll lie on the floor where you left me.

You've moved on,
But you want them all.
I've removed you from my life,
But not so far.

You're as bad as my past,
As sinister as he once was.
And now you look like him.
You've morphed into someone I don't recognize.
You've changed in your head;
You've changed in my eyes.

Why must you make it so hard
To say goodbye?

Mistake

Sitting in a black abiss,
Just so i can't see myself cry.
I hear the gasping,
An infinite sigh.
I hear an inaudible splash,
As tears run down my cheeks
And land in my lap. 
A burning sensation inside of my chest, 
A buring sensation that consumes all the rest.
When i thought your trust was the only thing strong,
How could you slap me and tell me i'm wrong?
How could I be so wrong? 

Jealous Much?

Sting and burn.
Words slice into my pupils.
A knife in Times New Roman,
The curl of the "K" digs too deep.
Somewhere that never bleeds.
Your key digs deep into my eye,
The sparkle turns red,
The girl inside dies.

When suffocation was my issue,
I never thought I'd feel this green.
And when the air was forced from my lungs,
I never knew I'd miss it,
When you took my breath away.
And the girl inside dies.

Honesty is so difficult,
Why can't I be honest
When my heart falls upon this subject,
My heart falls to the floor.
And the girl inside dies.

In a strangers arms,
My scared eyes traverse the room.
I remeber that face,
I remember you.
And the girl inside died.

Poetry Reading at Local Library on 9.23.11

Only half of the poem got recorded, but I read Deteriorate. I hope you enjoy it!

Choke; for Turning Blue

Don't you see you're suffocating me?
Grabbing hold of my throat;
Blurring everything i see. 
I can't speak.
They walk past,
And forget they ever knew me.

If i had the air,
Then i would scream
"help! He's suffocating me!"
"Somebody please, set me free."

Gender for me was never "he" or "she",
It was a world of only equality.
Now you've taken that from me,
And i can't be friendly.

You with your green jealousy,
A sinful type of envy.
You're suffocating me. 
Taking the air from within me.
You won't let me breathe. 

Deteriorate

Currently I am deteriorating.
Flesh is being stripped from my bones.
Muscles being torn from tendons.
A heart being pulled from my chest.

Donation of faulty material;
Which would you like?
Pick away at what little is left.
It'll be gone soon.

A waste of space,
And a loss of breath.
I am deteriorating now,
As my lungs have collapsed,
And my heart has burst.

Explosions within my brain as tissues slowly fade away,
A peircing stare turned unspirited and unmoving.
Before me, with eyes wide open, lies everything which I cannot see.
A world I once dominated,
Is now dim to me.

Allow not a word to keep me alive.
Forsee not a whisper,
To keep me from dying.
Secure nothing but silence,
For soon we shall meet.
Endure only darkness,
As I lie at your feet.

What is the reason for you to preserve this?
A lung,
A heart,
My liver perhaps?
You prolong a pain which you've dealt to be mine.
But who gave you the power to decide?

A beat that no longer thumps or sings.
As you told me you'd take me under your wing.

An escape; futile.
You've taken all that was left.
My ability to run away,
Stripped of me on the first day.

Does what is written remind you of what once was alive?
Does this fate that i've assigned you, show you that i tried?

And now it is too late,
As you watch what is left deteriorate.

I Found Him

Someone who makes your heart sing.
You deserve it.
There is no giving up,
Only giving in.
My emotions guide me towards you,
And away from him.
Would it be too bold,
To say i love you?
And to scream it from the skies,
For everyone to hear?
Would you mind if i kissed you,
And made you smile ear-to-ear?
And do you think I'd get away with
Never ever letting go?
The first embrace lasting an eternity,
If you could imagine so...
With a constant pain i received before,
Would you be willing to fix me?
Patch me up
And heal my wounds,
Be patient with me...
Or is it too soon?

Beats pound around my chest.
A melody quite unlike any other.
I've realized with you,
There is no fear.
An infinite strand of voice,
Carried through the wire;
A constant barrier to bare.

The world wasn't created for convenience.
When was i ever told this would be easy?
We were put here to feel alive,
But up until now i was only living.
You've awoken something I've never known of myself,
A feeling in my chest;
A melody of blood pumping faster
With each word you say.
An infinite strand of voice,
And i couldn't ask for more.

I was one advised,
"you've got a lot of time"
But who needs time,
When I've got you?
A family where i belong,
You make my heart a song.

Happily Ever After

Cheater cheater pumpkin eater,
Had a girl but couldn't keep her.
Honesty is the policy,
But one you cannot follow. 
Maybe I could love you,
If your heart weren't hollow.

How many kisses must I supply?
You still just sit there,
Eating flies.
Maybe you could hop away
So I could find a real prince someday?

The shoe fit perfectly, 
But you picked the evil step-sister.
You could've kissed me,
But instead you kissed her. 

I waited and waited for my prince to arrive,
Glistening with his bright white steer.
It's amazing how slowly the time passes by.
How much longer will I be trapped here? 

So maybe this isn't quite the fairy tale I'd expected,
Someday I'll find an escape. 
So maybe I feel neglected,
I know I'll be happy someday. 

Right Next to Me

We whisper sweet nothings,
But to me they mean everything.
How could this be true?
I've never met anyone like you.
Every single time you whisper in my ear,
I wish you were here...
I just wish you were here.
I begin to feel you near
And our worlds fall apart.
The life we're living in this moment,
I'm finally alive.
You've brought me to life.
Every single thing you say
Takes my breath away.
I wish i could say...
I just wish you would stay.
Four days and four letters,
But they'll take a lifetime to prove.
I hope this isn't too good to be true.
I wouldn't be alive,
If it weren't for you.

Visions

They can all see me if they just look.

I'm so vulnerable under their gaze.

They can't see through me, but they can see my exterior.

I'm surrounded by a hateful world,

With all eyes on me.

The thought overwhelms me,

It's too much to bare.

They see me shaking,

All they can do is stare.

They're looking at me now,

Confused by my empty glare.

Even the most piercing eyes

Hold secrets behind.

Something unreadable,

Words I’d never utter

For their emotion is inconceivable.

The whispers behind my stare;

Inaudible.

This town has its pale, uninhabited eyes.

your shallow souls look through their screen.

Stuck behind the glass,

Like a fish in a tank,

You can look all you want,

But you'll never touch.

There are whispers behind all pupils,

And some mouths are mute.

An old soul trapped behind green walls,

Microscopic gold specks;

Faults where secrets begin to crack under the pressure.

How long can they remain under wraps?

Words never uttered;

Seeping through the cracks.

This is what the front of the Just Plain Izzi t-shirts should look like. Originally, they were supposed to be pink-ish, but the design got changed to red. I've also got bumper stickers on the way! They should all arrive between September 5th and September 15th. I'm so excited!

Neutrality

Nonexistent expressions;
And emotions are lost.
Neutral and unchanging.
Your words no longer phase me.
Patience has run out,
Now I've lost all but exterior patience.

Hardly blinking,
No movements.
Sterile of feelings,
At a welcomed loss for words.
Silence doesn't exist,
But I'll sink into the quiet.

Unphased, yet obviously not the same.
Changed, but not a single thing moved.
Walking across an abyss,
Or standing still?
Traverse an emptiness
And you're exactly where you started.

Standing still.
The silence
Unbroken.